“Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.”
“The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.”
“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.”
“You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
“I don't generally feel anything until noon, then it's time for my nap.”
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it.”
“I do benefits for all religions -- I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.”
“The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast. [About Russia]”
“If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.”
“If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.”
“When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -- not the great occasions -- that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.”