“A perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.”
“The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.”
“Our necessities are few, but our wants are endless.”
“All professions are conspiracies against the laity.”
“Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated.”
“What is virtue but the Trade Unionism of the married?”
“A man of my spiritual intensity does not eat corpses.”
“I'm only a beer teetotaler, not a champagne teetotaler.”
“I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.”
“Patriotism is a pernicious, psychopathic form of idiocy.”
“Reminiscences make one feel so deliciously aged and sad.”
“Vulgarity in a king flatters the majority of the nation.”
“A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.”
“It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.”
“I don't want to talk grammar. I want to talk like a lady.”
“The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing.”
“Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.”
“The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.”
“Nothing is worth doing unless the consequences may be serious.”
“Better see rightly on a pound a week than squint on a million.”
“Kings are not born: they are made by artificial hallucination.”
“Peace is not only better than war, but infinitely more arduous”
“We are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth.”
“An Englishman thinks he is moral when he is only uncomfortable.”
“The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.”
“A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself.”
“Morality is suspecting other people of not being legally married.”
“Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability.”
“A gentleman is one who puts more into the world than he takes out.”
“What really flatters a man is that you think him worth flattering.”