“Man cannot live by incompetence alone.”
“Reality is for people who can't face drugs.”
“Don't believe in miracles -- depend on them.”
“When I want your opinion I'll give it to you.”
“If at first you don't succeed, lie, lie again.”
“Two things reduce prejudice: education and laughter.”
“The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure.”
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.”
“Don't knock the rich. When did a poor person give you a job?”
“Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.”
“In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.”
“Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents shortcomings.”
“Political success is the ability, when the inevitable occurs, to get credit for it.”
“Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish a reputation as an expert.”
“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”
“Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.”
“Men now monopolize the upper levels, depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities for incompetence.”
“You can always tell a real friend; when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.”
“Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.”