“Brevity is the soul of lingerie.”
“It's not the tragedies that kill us, it's the messes.”
“Drink, and dance and laugh and lie, love the reeling midnight through, for tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.)”
“There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”
“All those writers who write about their own childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.”
“Art is a form of catharsis.”
“Work is the province of cattle.”
“Scratch a lover, and find a foe.”
“She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.”
“They sicken at the calm that know the storm.”
“Sorrow is tranquility remembered in emotion.”
“Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.”
“Where's the man could ease a heart, like a satin gown?”
“I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn.”
“You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.”
“Enjoyed it! One more drink and I'd have been under the host.”
“I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true.”
“Gratitude -- the meanest and most sniveling attribute in the world.”
“Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.”
“I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”
“The two most beautiful words in the English language are: ''Check Enclosed.''”
“This book is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.”
“Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.”
“He [Robert Benchley] and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.”
“Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch is, and it darts away.”
“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of the tires.”
“Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.”
“Why is it no one ever sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose.”
“Razors pain you; rivers are damp; acids stain you; and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful; you might as well live.”
“If you're going to write, don't pretend to write down. It's going to be the best you can do, and it's the fact that it's the best you can do that kills you.”