“A man who calls bullshit fertilizer.”
“Life is strange. Every so often a good man wins.”
“The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet.”
“Rome had Senators too, and that is why it declined.”
“Some have greatness thrust upon them, but not lately.”
“Preachers denounce sin as if it was available to everyone.”
“Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.”
“A liberal is man who will give away everything he doesn't own.”
“Blessed is he who talks in circles, for he shall become a big wheel.”
“Remember when $25, 000 was a success? Now it is a garbage collector.”
“A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal.”
“Where the criminals cover their crimes by making them legal. [On Washington D. C.]”
“The news of any politician's death should be listed under ''Public Improvements.''”
“Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial.”
“It is not necessary to have enemies if you go out of your way to make friends hate you.”
“In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.”
“The great American novel has not only already been written, it has already been rejected.”
“A set of rules laid out by professionals to show the way they would like to act if it was profitable.”
“Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does.”
“Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today and it will set the pace tomorrow.”