“America is a great country, but you can't live in it for nothing.”
“Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.”
“If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?”
“Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.”
“The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.”
“I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!”
“If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics.”
“A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.”
“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”
“The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.”
“Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.”
“You never know how much a man can't remember until he is called as a witness.”
“One revolution is like one cocktail, it just gets you organized for the next.”
“The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.”
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.”
“The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole?”
“I wonder if it isn't just cowardice instead of generosity that makes us give tips.”
“So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.”
“Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.”
“Mona Lisa is the only beauty who went through history and retained her reputation.”
“Broad-minded is just another way of saying a fellow is too lazy to form an opinion.”
“Our public men are speaking every day on something, but they ain't saying anything.”
“My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.”
“I like to hear a man talk about himself because then I never hear anything, but good.”
“There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket.”
“We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.”
“Politics is not worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space.”
“I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today.”
“We are the first nation in the history of the world to go to the poorhouse in an automobile.”
“There is nothing so stupid as an educated man, if you get him off the thing he was educated in.”