“One drink is too many for me and a thousand not enough.”
“I only drink to make other people seem more interesting.”
“I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.”
“Malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man.”
“I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.”
“Under a tattered cloak you will generally find a good drinker.”
“They make much of our drinking, but never think of our thirst.”
“Of all vices, drinking is the most incompatible with greatness.”
“I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it.”
“Wine is a treacherous friend who you must always be on guard for.”
“Bring in the bottled lightning, a clean tumbler, and a corkscrew.”
“You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.”
“A drinker has a hole under his nose that all his money runs into.”
“I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”
“A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.”
“Ale, man, ale's the stuff to drink for fellows whom it hurts to think.”
“He is a drunkard who takes more than three glasses though he be not drunk.”
“Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.”
“One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.”
“The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.”
“The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk.”
“Where does one not find that bland degeneration which beer produces in the spirit!”
“Drink not the third glass, which thou canst not tame, when once it is within thee.”
“An alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his own doctor.”
“A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.”
“Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter. Sermons and soda water the day after.”
“This is the great fault of wine; it first trips up the feet: it is a cunning wrestler.”
“I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.”
“A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank.”
“It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.”