“In marriage do thou be wise; prefer the person before money; virtue before beauty; the mind before the body.”
“Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.”
“Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.”
“I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.”
“If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.”
“Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.”
“It is a woman's business to get married as soon as possible, and a man's to keep unmarried as long as he can.”
“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?”
“Marrying to increase love is like gaming to become rich; alas, you only lose what little stock you had before.”
“In Hollywood all the marriages are happy, it's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.”
“Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings.”
“Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.”
“Marriage, for a woman at least, hampers the two things that made life to me glorious -- friendship and learning.”
“It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out the next morning that it was someone else.”
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
“The world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.”
“A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust.”
“The best friend is likely to acquire the best wife, because a good marriage is based on the talent for friendship.”
“In the perfect wedlock, the man, I should say, is the head, but the woman the heart, with which he cannot dispense.”
“The concerts you enjoy together neighbors you annoy together children you destroy together that make marriage a joy”
“Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquillity of a lovely sunset.”
“Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give.”
“I think people really marry far too much; it is such a lottery after all, and for a poor woman a very doubtful happiness.”
“Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is to be sold and the other to be buried.”
“There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is enjoy earning it.”
“There is, indeed, nothing that so much seduces reason from vigilance, as the thought of passing life with an amiable woman.”
“It is obvious that all sense has gone out of modern marriage: which is, however, no objection to marriage but to modernity.”
“Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable.”
“Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building.”
“The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.”