“My wife isn't married to me forever; she's married to me for good. That keeps me on my toes.”
“That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.”
“Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.”
“They flaunt their conjugal felicity in one's face, as if it were the most fascinating of sins.”
“Instead of getting married again. I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.”
“I'm certain that most couples expect to find intimacy in marriage, but it somehow eludes them.”
“As a general thing, when the woman wears the pants in the family, she has a good right to them.”
“There is a French saying: ''Love is the dawn of marriage, and marriage is the sunset of love.''”
“One good husband is worth two good wives, for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.”
“I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.”
“The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.”
“In our monogamous part of the world, to marry means to halve one's rights and double one's duties.”
“Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.”
“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age -- as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”
“If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.”
“If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.”
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.”
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.”
“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.”
“So that ends my first experience of matrimony, which I always thought a highly over-rated performance.”
“There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.”
“The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.”
“When two people marry they become in the eyes of the law one person, and that one person is the husband!”
“Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.”
“I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all.”
“Only as far as a man is happily married to himself is he fit for married life and family life in general.”
“Marriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to be grateful.”
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.”
“I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.”
“Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.”